to control reality is to destroy possibility.

when we try to control everything and believe that we know whats best, or our way is the only right way, we dont allow other possibilities to bubble up to the surface. i love and cling to the promise that the unthinkable is possible with God. but when i really look at myself and how i've been living, i find this to be more true (with the help of listening to god and wise counsel)-- i like being in control and want to make sure that i'm okay, others around me are okay, and everything is going according to plan (mine not god's). i choose to participate and go thru out my day making sure i dont walk into a situation i can't handle, i want to assess the situation and if its "safe" then i'll dive in, but if there is a risk of feeling stupid, getting hurt, or thinking that i might fail, i'd rather abort the situation, back out, or reverse and act as though i wasnt interested, its not my responsibility, or didnt want it that bad. put it to bed and move on. no one gets hurt.

what i think god's been telling over the past few months is by living this way the small and big things of life, i miss out on experiencing the many possibilities of God and what he can do. i've put my relationship with him in a box and said let's stay here where its safe, where i am comfortable, where i know i wont fail, where each day comes and goes and i havent let god be as big as he could be...which speaks to how much i dont understand the fullness and depth of god's glory and his power. my prayer is that god will break thru the box i put him in and i can begin to experience the possibilities of god and i'll be humbled by the way he orchestrates the details of my life because i trust him to be in control. not me.

i want to experience the possibilities of this life with the god who's greatness i'll never comprehend until i see him face to face.